Assasin Required

24 posts / 0 new
Last post
Noah Fence's picture
Noah Fence
Offline
Joined: 18-12-12
Jun 9 2015 21:39
Assasin Required

Today I purchased a matching 'retro style' kettle and toaster from John Lewis. It gets worse but I don't think I can reveal the full gravity of my bourgeois misdemeanours.
So, will someone do the right thing and kill me? Please.

Fleur
Offline
Joined: 21-02-12
Jun 9 2015 21:43

Matching appliances.
"Retro design."
John Lewis.

Jesus Webby, how much worse can it get? Please don't tell me it was a rice cooker or a bread maker?

S. Artesian
Offline
Joined: 5-02-09
Jun 9 2015 21:54

Absolutely not. The only proper punishment is for you to live an eternity with your miserable self.

Noah Fence's picture
Noah Fence
Offline
Joined: 18-12-12
Jun 9 2015 21:58
Fleur wrote:
Matching appliances.
"Retro design."
John Lewis.

Jesus Webby, how much worse can it get? Please don't tell me it was a rice cooker or a bread maker?

Well, if you must know, when I got home I had a cup of green tea and looked at a Farrow and Ball paint chart. There, I said it, now do your worst.

Fleur
Offline
Joined: 21-02-12
Jun 9 2015 22:03

I suppose if it was actually tea, made from Camellia sinensis plant, then I'll let than one pass. If it was one of those shitty herbal infusions made of some kind of dried fruit and a plant no-one in their right mind would want to eat which some people try to pass off as tea, then it would be a whole different story.

Entdinglichung's picture
Entdinglichung
Offline
Joined: 2-07-08
Jun 10 2015 06:40

after reading that, I now do desperately need a few Kalamata olives

Auld-bod's picture
Auld-bod
Offline
Joined: 9-07-11
Jun 10 2015 07:20

I’ve an old kettle and fork you coulda had Webby.
Green tea and paint charts. So it's the high life you're after.

Noah Fence's picture
Noah Fence
Offline
Joined: 18-12-12
Jun 10 2015 08:37
Auld-bod wrote:
I’ve an old kettle and fork you coulda had Webby.
Green tea and paint charts. So it's the high life you're after.

Aaah, a toasting fork. Nice! I'll bet half the young uns on here don't even know what one is?

Honestly though, I live in beautiful countryside, grow my own veg, am decorating my lovely 400 year old house which I have a long term tenancy on and buying some nice stuff for it and earn enough money to pay for it all. This is all surely a good thing? So why do I feel guilty about it?

Auld-bod's picture
Auld-bod
Offline
Joined: 9-07-11
Jun 10 2015 09:07

Guilt I’ve found to be corrosive and unproductive. You work for a living and are a lucky sod, so enjoy and share what you can. Try and put stuff to good use. Anything else is inverted self-pity! So pull your socks up and remember (as a Stirnerite once said to me) conscience is just the fear of being caught (that last bit I don’t fully agree with).

Noah Fence's picture
Noah Fence
Offline
Joined: 18-12-12
Jun 10 2015 09:24

Sage words indeed! Thanks Auld Bod.

jef costello's picture
jef costello
Offline
Joined: 9-02-06
Jun 10 2015 12:56

Were you not a member when we had a bourgeois self-denunciation thread?
No point feeling guilty about things, if it was wrong undo it or don't do it again, if not then no need.

Fleur
Offline
Joined: 21-02-12
Jun 10 2015 13:00

Yeah, in all seriousness, there's no need to feel guilty for enjoying your life. I would chose a decent cup of tea to do so, however, but there's no accounting for people's tastes. smile

boozemonarchy's picture
boozemonarchy
Offline
Joined: 28-12-06
Jun 10 2015 13:31

At coffee shop drinking chai tea getting ready for yoga class with my shirt tucked haphazardly behind my vintage belt buckle. If Webby were here with me I'm almost certain we'd be discussing the relative merits of various John Lewis toilet roll holders.

The only folk not deserving of the guillotine here are behind the counter.

Serge Forward's picture
Serge Forward
Offline
Joined: 14-01-04
Jun 10 2015 14:40
Webby wrote:
Today I purchased a matching 'retro style' kettle

When you say 'retro' it wasn't a Hitler kettle by any chance?

Noah Fence's picture
Noah Fence
Offline
Joined: 18-12-12
Jun 10 2015 15:15
Serge Forward wrote:
Webby wrote:
Today I purchased a matching 'retro style' kettle

When you say 'retro' it wasn't a Hitler kettle by any chance?

That is pure class. Imagine having one of those Hitler houses with a kettle like this in the kitchen. Genius!

Quote:
Were you not a member when we had a bourgeois self-denunciation thread?

If you mean the 'I'm officially middle class' one then yes. I believe I totally smashed it with my revelation that I had spent well over a minute deciding what charity box I should put my little green disc into in Waitrose.

S. Artesian
Offline
Joined: 5-02-09
Jun 10 2015 15:25

Serge gets my vote and admiration.

Separated at birth?

plasmatelly's picture
plasmatelly
Offline
Joined: 16-05-11
Jun 10 2015 15:31
S. Artesian wrote:
Serge gets my vote and admiration.

Separated at birth?

Or possibly one and the same..? You never see them in the same room together. Ein Reich, ein volk, ein wasserkocher, etc.

Cooked's picture
Cooked
Offline
Joined: 6-04-10
Jun 10 2015 16:01
Webby wrote:
That is pure class. Imagine having one of those Hitler houses with a kettle like this in the kitchen

Finally something worthwhile to aspire to!

Jamal's picture
Jamal
Offline
Joined: 14-04-15
Jun 11 2015 01:53
Fleur wrote:
Jesus Webby, how much worse can it get? Please don't tell me it was a rice cooker or a bread maker?

In Japan, they're the same machine.

Serge Forward's picture
Serge Forward
Offline
Joined: 14-01-04
Jun 11 2015 11:30
Webby wrote:
Imagine having one of those Hitler houses with a kettle like this in the kitchen

You mean this one? What are they teaching at design school these days? I think we should be told.

S. Artesian
Offline
Joined: 5-02-09
Jun 11 2015 13:07

Serge is a genius.

Serge Forward's picture
Serge Forward
Offline
Joined: 14-01-04
Jun 11 2015 13:27

Too kind, Artesian.

Anyway, that kettle has got Hitler down to a tea...

....I'll get me coat.

Noah Fence's picture
Noah Fence
Offline
Joined: 18-12-12
Jun 11 2015 14:01
S. Artesian wrote:
Serge is a genius.

Tell me something I don't already know. I'm thinking of proposing!

Serge Forward's picture
Serge Forward
Offline
Joined: 14-01-04
Jun 11 2015 16:46

Bugger. Where's the blush and flutter eye-lashes emoticon when you need it? angry